Dowayne of Balm House (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} simantics) wrote,@ 2007-03-12 18:28:00 |
|
| Current music: | i should tell you- rent soundtrack |
| Entry tags: | smith, strangetown, tank |
Strangetown 039
Tank was home for Solange's birthday, and what's more, he had relented on one point: he had invited his father to see his granddaughter grow up. Tank had not allowed Buzz Grunt to step foot inside the house since the wedding.
Solange -- she groaned now, blushing, when her father called her "Lala" -- was as beautiful as Tank had thought she'd be, but quiet, interested more in the inside of her head than anything else.
However, the air was tense between General Buzz and Jill. Extremely tense, and even the girls noticed it. After some time, Tank took Jill outside and demanded to know why, leaving his father inside. Somehow, he knew the answer would have to do with Johnny Smith.
Starchild, he thought, half in exasperation. You always have to cause a problem, don't you.
"It's, um... it's weird," Jill began hesitantly. "And I just never told you because I didn't think it was relevant. Mom told me, and honestly I wish she hadn't. I wish I didn't know. I think Johnny sort of feels the same way, I mean, like he wishes it never happened. Not that I know exactly what --"
"Jill." Tank's eyes flashed. "Get on with it."
Jill looked unhappy, but she mumbled, "There was a... thing... with my brother and Buzz a while ago. Like, they... they slept together. For a few months. Which is fine, I mean, they're both adults, they can do what they want, and Johnny worked in Buzz's sector, so I guess it was sort of bound to happen? Not like Johnny sleeps around or anything but he does have a weakness for men in uniform."
She scratched her blond hair, which shone beneath the street lights. Tank watched her impatiently, a bubble of hard emotion rising in his chest. "Yes, and?" he bit out.
"They, um, they broke up on bad terms." Jill sighed and blew out her breath. "Really bad terms. Half the neighborhood heard them screaming at each other. Johnny and I, we're half alien, you know."
Old grief touched Tank's heart. He remembered Techie. "I know."
"And... well.. alien men... even half-aliens, and quarter-aliens, and however far down it goes... they can..." She made a face of disgust and blurted out, "They can get pregnant. Johnny did. He didn't know he could, or maybe he just didn't think about it. I mean, he should have been happy, he's been so alone for so long, I know I'd be happy to have another baby now that the girls are so big..."
Tank considered this, his face frozen. He'd known for a long time about his dad's obsession with all things green -- his mother had screamed at his dad about it for a while, until she left -- and it made sense that Buzz would eventually prey on Johnny. Starchild didn't have the sense of a baby lamb, he'd always thought the world was something to be presented to him on a platter. Spoiled, pampered...
...lonely in that great big house with no one but his mother. Quieter and quieter at work until for a year, he stopped coming, and no one asked for him. Different when he came back, with hands that shook when he handled weaponry and so he was transferred to work a desk job, next to Tank. The cure for a Grunt, another Grunt.
"You didn't think to tell me," he finally said, "that your brother gave birth to my half-brother?"
"Um, you Grunt kids have hardly stuck together," Jill pointed out.
"How long has it been since you last spoke to Johnny?" he shot back.
Jill rolled her eyes. "Oh, that's rich," she scoffed. "We are both busy people, you know."
Tank snapped. "Yeah, we're happiest staying out of each other's way -- because of him!"
He pointed through the window at the silhouette of his father. "You don't know what it was like growing up with him, and every time we see each other all we see is him! Fucking look at me, I might as well be his clone! Army and everything, no fucking wonder they don't really want to see me. And he didn't -- you didn't -- NOBODY THOUGHT I MIGHT WANT TO KNOW --"
"It doesn't really concern you, Tank --"
"NO, FUCK YOU IT DOESN'T CONCERN ME, JILL, I DIDN'T MARRY YOU TO KEEP SECRETS FROM ME!"
"Then why did you marry me?" Jill snapped, goaded. "Why? It can't have been to have a family, considering that I had to beg for Solange and break a condom for Perpetua!"
"You did WHAT?!"
Jill was close to tears. "I've done EVERYTHING I CAN to be the perfect wife to you! The perfect mother to your children! I've loved you since I was a little girl, Tank! Would it kill you to even try at being a family?"
"I love my daughters, Jill. But you... I married you because YOU wanted me to." Tank looked at her, and his heart was cold. "Because I've only ever done what other people wanted me to. Mom always told me not to cry after I heard her screaming at Dad, and after a little while, I didn't, I still don't. I'm pretty sure I can't anymore. Dad told me to buff up and get into the army or he'd kick my ass, and I did, even though he can hardly kick my ass now. Ripp told me to go to hell the way other people say hello and good morning, and you can't imagine what the inside of my head is like. You told me to marry you --"
"I asked --"
"You are not as demure as you think you are, Jill. I married you because there was nothing you wanted more in the world, and I thought a man my age should marry."
"You didn't love me!" she cried.
Tank shook his head. "No."
The last thing Tank did that night was go inside, take his father outside, and inform him in no uncertain terms that he was never to darken his doorway again. The General sputtered, "But Tank, I thought you --"
"Whatever you thought about me was wrong, Dad. You never knew me. And now you never will. Leave now before I get my shotgun."
Buzz left.
That night, Jill drew Tank into her arms again, as if to make him love, if not her, then her body. Perhaps she thought that he would love her again, when the truth was that he had never loved her at all. Tank laced his hands behind his head and allowed her to ride him, whispering blandishments and apologies. When she was done with him she rolled off, her lower lip quivering. Tank stared at the ceiling far into the night and hoped she understood that by allowing her to do that to him one more time, all he was saying was goodbye.
"Sis, Mom and Dad are fighting," Perpetua reported softly, trying to paint like her sister could.
Solange shook her head, but didn't say anything. She'd listened to what was happening out on the street tonight, the night of her and her sister's birthday, and had the sinking feeling that she'd just witnessed the dissolution of her parents' marriage. Her parents' loveless marriage.
In the following days, Tank was civil to Jill, a chilling civility that made her wince more than harsh words or angry tirades would have. Jill did not leave, nor did Tank ask her to.
Instead, Tank decided to visit Johnny Smith at home. Johnny gave Tank the weirdest look, but, after a long pause, said, "...All right." Tank swallowed, his throat suddenly dry, and followed him out to the car.
Johnny lived right next to base. It wasn't ten minutes before he said, "We're here." As they left the car, he inquired, "What's with the sudden friendliness?" His voice wasn't cold or accusatory, simply quiet.
Tank had been dreading the question, but he'd also worked all day on a way to answer it. "What's in the past is in the past."
when Johnny snorted like that, he sounded just like his sister. "Is that so? Took you over ten years to figure that out? As far as I'm concerned, it was done the day we age-transitioned, Tank."
"Yeah, well, I'm stupid."
"Don't tell anyone," said Johnny, lifting a cautionary finger to his lips, "but I'm pretty stupid, too. C'mon, let's head inside."
Tank followed silently, unnerved by the sudden sparkle in olive-green eyes, trying to put together his scattered thoughts.
"So what are you really here about?" Johnny finally asked, turning to face Tank, who looked uncomfortable.
"I... I talked to Jill a few days ago." Tank punched the palm of his hand restlessly. "She, um... She told me what happened between you and my father."
Johnny raised his eyebrows. "You had better not be here for some insane attempt at defending the family honor or some bullshit, or I will toss you out on your ass. Again."
Tank clamped down on the irritated retort that immediately rose to mind. Johnny had less than no reason to trust him. "That's not why I came. In fact, I got pretty mad that your sister didn't tell me. I kicked my dad out and told him I never wanted to see his face again. Things are... bad, between Jill and me right now."
Johnny's lips twisted sympathetically, but he shook his head. "I don't know what you want me to tell you. Jill loves me, but," he shrugged, "I'm an embarassment to her. Her green brother. She would be able to love me decently if I were dead and buried, I guess."
"No!" Tank said, too loudly. Johnny started, and his look grew more intense.
"Tank... I'm glad you've gotten over yourself and everything, seriously, and I'm sorry to hear that things are on the rocks with Jill. But what the hell do you want from me?"
Tank remembered how he'd hated Johnny's beautiful, unearthly green eyes, back in the day. They were a different shade than Jill's, or maybe they just seemed different, set in a green-skinned face. Looking at Johnny, he could vaguely understand his own father's obsession with the verdant folk. But he wrenched his attention back to the subject at hand. "I heard about the child," he said quietly.
Johnny's lips, lady god they were expressive, tightened. "It isn't mine."
Now it was Tank's turn to be bewildered. "Johnny, Jill told me you'd had a son by my dad. That kid is my half-brother. I want to at least, you know, see him."
"He's not here, anyway. He's still at school." Johnny turned away from Tank and walked towards the bar, calling, "If you want a drink, tell me now."
"No thanks. I don't drink." General Buzz had been quite the alcoholic. Reason enough for Tank to avoid the stuff, in case he turned out to be like his dad in that respect, too. "When's he home from school?"
Johnny shrugged and began to mix drinks. His long tapered fingers trembled slightly. "What does it matter? I have very little to do with him. My mother raises him mostly. He thinks he's adopted, treats me like a brother. He doesn't look a damn thing like me. He looks like Buzz right down to the dopey eyes." He worked for a moment, then added abruptly, "No, that's not fair to him. He's a smart kid."
Tank sat down at a bar stool, a bit apprehensively. Johnny didn't comment, so Tank assumed it was all right. "What's his name?"
"Jerome. My mom named him. She can't bear to break the J-cycle." Johnny brought some glasses up onto the bar and began to pour his drink. The graceful fingers steadied. "This is not the conversation I wanted to have with you, you know."
Tank shot him a skeptical look. "You wanted to have a conversation with me?"
"Yeah, why not? I never have."
"You have a point."
They talked for some time. Actually, Tank talked. Johnny mostly listened. He was an excellent listener, nodding and mm-hmming and so-what-then-ning while Tank told him what life was like with Jill, how he was starting to be more and more afraid that one of them was going to have to leave the other, how guilty he felt for what this would inflict on his daughters, how he loved them both, how incompetent he felt as a father and husband.
Hours later, Tank finally got around to looking out the window and was apalled to realize that night had fallen. "Lady God!" he cursed, scrambling to his feet. "I gotta get home. I promised... shit... I promised Perpetua I'd help her with her homework. What time is it?"
"It's okay," said Johnny bracingly. "It's only seven."
Tank shook his head. "This is what I was talking about. This is exactly what I was talking about."
Johnny slapped him on the back in a comradely fashion. "Yeah, yeah, you suck at fatherhood, sure, tell that to your adoring daughters. Get back home. And, um..." The halfbreed commander hesitated. "If you... If you need to talk again, or anything. I'm around, you know?"
Tank smiled. "Yeah. I know."
:) Finally- spring break, and I'm able to get this out!!
This part's been written for over a year, but I had to reshoot half of it to make sense. Talk about a headache...
